theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
