Swine flu. Run for my life!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize