Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
