shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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