I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize