I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Randomize
