yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
