there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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