If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this just has baby written all over it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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