: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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