wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
