Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
