I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
