You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
