I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
