Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize