So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
