burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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