i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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