I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
