i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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