Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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