i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
