last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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