grandma shit on top of the toilet
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Congratulations! We have a period
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