Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
