My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
