Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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