I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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