My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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