Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize