Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
