I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
