Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
