it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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