is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
