I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
