When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
