They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
