yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The air was thick with penises
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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