I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
