4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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