Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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