I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
