Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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