happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
