youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
