Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
