all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize