I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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