I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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