After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
