Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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