I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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