Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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