i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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