why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
