I cockslap morals
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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