I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
