just tell him i said nine months
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
