someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
