There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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