Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
