You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
