My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
