It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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