They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
